The Marriage Proposal and the Bear by Anton Chekhov Gershman Y 401 South Broad Street March 27-30, Various Times $12 Anton Checkhov is one of the best playwrights of the modern era. At least theoretically. I don't really know much that he has written, but I did see the second grade play at my lower school while I was home for Spring Break. There was this one kid who was the most feminine boy I had every seen. Then the kid's mother was like "Go Antonia!" and I was like, "Oh, my God! That is honestly the most masculine seven year old girl, ever." The play was great though. I guess Chekhov is probably okay. He did write the Cherry Tree play, right? Only One Man Died: Medical Adventures on the Lewis and Clark Trail Mutter Museum 19 S. 22nd Street March 27-Aug. 18 $8 The Mutter Museum is known for its oddities. The museum boasts a collection of over 20,000 objects, including approximately 900 fluid-preserved anatomical and pathological specimens. The sickos at this anatomically-correct Ripley's have outdone themselves again. They have taken the story of the courageous 8,000-mile journey to the Pacific and back and exposed the freakish side. Currently they are hosting an exhibit on the diseases and injuries encountered by Corps of Discovery and their rudimentary methods for treating them. Although it has not been confirmed, it is rumored that they actually have the body of the one men who died on the expedition. Also on display at Mutter, a special exhibit on conjoined twins. Schrodinger's Girlfriend Act II Playhouse 56 East Butler Avenue Ambler, PA March 27 - April 4, various times (215) 654-0200 I don't think I would ever date a guy named Schrodinger. What kind of a name is that? Seriously, if that were my last name (and good god let's hope it's not his first name) I would take my mom's last name. Except my mom's last name in Spanish is the word for the guy who executes people. You know, like during the French Revolution when they would cut people's head's off? Yeah pretty sick, but none of you would have known that if I hadn't told you, so I would have been safe. Key word there is would have. Laughter Arts Festival Keswick Theatre 291 North Keswick Avenue $32.50 Fri, March 28, 8 p.m. (215) 572-7650 Laughter can be a very distinctive feature of someone's personality. There are many types of laughs, and the Keswick is hoping to bring them all out on Friday. I have a very unique laugh. I sound sort of like a combination of a seal and a squeaky bed. It can be quite embarrassing and annoying, especially when people come up and demand that I laugh, just so they can be amused by my genetic misfortune. But whatever, it could be a lot worse, like if it was a squeaky, high pitched cackle or if I was afflicted by the silent laugh, where your mouth is open but nothing comes out. Regardless, they'll be lots of laughs at the Keswick Laughter Arts Festival. New Edge Residency Performance Featuring Asians Misbehavin' Community Education Center 3500 Lancaster Avenue Fri, March 28-Sat, March 29, 8 p.m. $10, $8 Students, Seniors and children under 12 (215) 387-1911 There is a slight backlash against political correctness, which I can't say offends me. If you are try to distinguish between two Dayna's, for example, and one is fat and one is thin, and you can't just say "Did you see how skanky little Dana looked at the block party?" because than life gets all complicated, and you have to be like "You know brown haired Dayna? No, with the dark-brown hair. Yeah! No, no, the one with the father who sells toupees. They're both from the Five Towns. Yeah! That one!" So I support Misbehavin' Asians 150 percent. Opening Reception for Leon Karp: The Golden Slippers and The City of Dreams Woodmere Art Museum 9201 Germantown Avenue Fri, March 28, 5:30 p.m. $5, $3 for students and seniors (215) 247-0476 Art museums are always hard to take. It's like, do you really want to spend an afternoon in a room full of pictures you can't touch and grandmothers you don't own? Probably not, if you're cool and fun. You probably want to draw on the walls yourself! With indelible ink! Don't worry, you are far from alone. At museums my parents would always be like "Do you want some cheese with that whine?" and I would throw a temper tantrum. But at openings they serve cheese! So that's good, then. Bruce Hale: The Chet Gecko Mysteries Chris' Corner Books for Kids and Teens 1940 Pine Street Wed, April 2, 10 a.m. Free (215) 790-1727 As a kid I never really had troubling learning to read, because my parents bribed me not to watch TV. I was a TV addict until I was payed for every hour I did not watch TV. So I read, like, every Cam Jensen book there was. Cam had a photographic memory, and she used her memory to solve mysteries. She said snap or click or something whenever she used her memory. She was a genius. Chet is the Cam of the double-o's, except he's a boy, and he isn't suave like Cam. Still, anyone who solves mysteries for two get-out-of-detention-free-cards and a box of jelly donuts is cool in my book. Or, as the case may be, in their own book. Ha. Rosemary 121 S. 19th Street March 28-April 27, Various Times $20/$12 students (215) 564-6070 Well, she's a Kennedy I never heard of before. That might simply be because I wasn't raised particularly informed. Meaning my parents don't know crap. Apparently there was some kind of tragedy with Rosemary Kennedy of the legendary Kennedy family. My mom used to say they were cursed, some kind of witchcraft. Maybe witches can make pigs fly out of Screech's butt so that Lisa will go out with him. Poor Screech -- he has to go on Star Dates. I bet he gets ass, no seriously I bet he likes to do it in the ass. The Tempest Saint Stephen's Theater 10th and Ludlow Streets March 28-May 4, Various Times $15-$25 (215) 829-9002 www.lanterntheater.org I never liked Shakespeare but that's because I don't have the patience for his crap. I don't like it when guys try to be mysterious. Shakespeare, you're not Michael Jackson. We know you're gay and you had to make pretend to write love poems to those women to hide it, but he's just better than you. Michael has got you beat. He's now another race and gender. Michael never ceases to amaze. Ronald K. Brown's Evidence Perelman Theater 260 S. Broad Street March 28-March 30, Various Times $27-$37 (215) 893-1999 www.kimmelcenter.org So the group's got spiritual urgency. God's mentioned a couple of times. If it's anything like church I'm out. But there are also plans for having imagery of blacks moving North. I hear Evidence, the dance group, also does a couple of dances here and there. "Ballet," you ask?! Yes -- indeed. Even some African dances that my friend had to go out and practice on College Green. Her teacher made her and her whole class do it. It ruined her dating life, but who cares, making a fool of yourself on the college green is what college is all about. There's also that time she walked around mid-winter with flip flops because of a drunken incident. Rapunzel Walnut Street Theatre 825 Walnut Street Fri, March 29, 10:30 a.m., 1 and 3:30 p.m. $8-$10 (215) 574-3550 "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair." The story of Rapunzel is a tragic one. A baby was born to a family who traded her to a mean witch in exchange for lettuce. The girl grew freakishly long hair, and when the witch locked her in a tower, Rapunzel's hair became the ladder for the witch. When a man finally found her, the witch sent Rapunzel to a desolate wasteland alone and gouged out the prince's eyes. Sounds like a great children's story, and the play should be great. Lindy, Balboa and Shag Lessons and Dance Le Champignon 122 Lombard Street Mondays at 8:30 p.m. (215) 922-2515 Le Champignon, informally known as The Mushroom Joint, is a sort of unique establishment. Basically, a bed and breakfast, sushi bar, upscale restaurant and dance hall stuffed under one roof like bread crumbs and gruyere in a portabello. On Mondays learn the shag or how to roll sashimi, and on Thursdays try the filet mignon. And feel welcome to stay the night, because you can. They encourage it. Basically, it does not matter what service you want, it's provided by the joint. (And, notice how frequently the Lindy is being mensioned of late. Perhaps swing is poised for a comeback. But don't call it a comeback!)

More Like This