Senior to a freshman cheating at flip cup: Enjoy your four years in college. You’re not going to have any friends.
Boy on cell phone wearing an Omega shirt: I’m retarded?? You’re wearing a tuxedo to a job interview!
Frat boy 1: How’d he make his own goldschlager?
Frat boy 2: Oh, you know, tinfoil … a little listerine.
Frat boy 1: Dude, that sounds nasty! Should we try it?
Indian exchange student on the phone: Mom, I am very happy here and this Locust Walk smells so good!
Taxi driver, as he dodges a walk of shamer on Spruce: Gotta love these Penn kids! Smart enough to be in the Ivy League; too stupid to cross the street.
Drunk guy at Drinkers: Yoooo those three girls look like twins!
