10. The Bookstore is sold out of leather portfolio polish. 9. You calculated the opportunity cost of going to the bathroom. 8. You updated your resume for the first time since “Cookie Sales Associate for Girl Scouts of America, 1999.” 7. It’s harder to get an appointment at Career Services than it is to make a reservation at White Dog on Parents’ Weekend. 6. Saying that you and your bro need the privacy of your room to “practice interview questions” isn’t a cover for gay sex… this time. 5. On–campus dry cleaning shops are actually turning a profit. 4. Even creative writing majors are considering adding ECON–001 to their schedules. 3. Girls are wearing heels on Locust Walk before noon — and they’re not on a walk of shame. 2. You seriously considered adding “House Beer Pong Champion” to your resume to make it look more full. 1. When your friend says he’s going to meet with Goldman, he’s not talking about his ex–hookup in SDT.
More from Lowbrow From the Desk of Amy Gutmann Rant of the Week: Bandwidth Hogs
