Gay guy: I’ve been a SWUG since second semester freshman year.
Sorostitute: She thinks I’m just another elite private school, Upper East Side, Dad works on Wall Street, Ivy Leaguer... but I’m not.
Bro: My friend dared me to shit off the bridge. Should I do it?
Drunk kid at Smoke’s: What are the drink specials here?
Joe: Excuse me?