From the banal to the bizarre to the really, truly bad, here’s the worst you had to offer this semester. Unedited. Better luck next time.
Dear Alpha phi - im trying to get my pussy licked
Shoutout to APES for having the most ratchet weed
To OWLS: I heard your fat
To HipCityVeg: You’re not that hip. Or that veg.
To the super senior in Simply Choas, every time i see you i just want to kiss your giant, giant mouth
To my friends abroad: joke’s on you, cuz Penn was fucking awesome this semester! Because...Matthew Perry came? And, um...you know, halloween happened too. Did I mention Matthew Perry came? So...yea. Hurry back. Jerks.
To my big, I’m LITERALLY in love with my big
To everyone, I’m LITERALLY in love with my big.
To all of Penn: X gonna give it ya
To art history majors: wow, y’all really suck
Shout out to Pi Lam for being so open and loving
To Pilam: lol
To all the white straight men: the coven is coming.
To VP security: what are you looking for in my backpack??!?
To Glee Club: Yikes.
Shoutout to the College kids always in Huntsman, you don’t even go here
Shoutout to my butthole for being cleaner than usual.
BLONDE GIRL ON LONGBOARD LET ME LOVE YOU
To Houston Hall: WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR HUMUS
To flaccid penises: you’re fucking weird.
To Buzzfeed: you’re the reason my GPA is terrible
To Penn students: Turn up or transfer.