This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013
Freshman fuck–up Judy McIlwain has a new “leash” on life.
“Watch how many I can fit in my mouth,” she says to us—unprovoked—in a context that does not make sense.
That is, until you realize she has chained herself to the 40th Street McDonald’s terrace, just trying to see how many blades of grass she can put into her mouth. She is grazing.
“I like the ones that get stuck in the bricks,” she says, flipping her lips up and showing her teeth. “They don’t even notice me out here.”
“Not true at all,” says one McDonald’s employee. “Is that what she said? She scared the shit out of me a few nights ago. Last night we had to exit through the secret back entrance that’s at every McDonald’s. Oh no, I’ve said too much.”
At press time, a small child tried to feed Judy a McNugget. Judy bit the child. What a fuck–up.
