This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.5.2013
Tired of the same old dating options, freshman Largo Fry asked Lowbrow to set him up with someone fresh and exciting for a blind brunch date to 40th and Walnut. In the spirit of McChristmas, we chose the Hamburglar. For the record, he smells like gutters and spit.
Here’s what happened:
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE DATERS
Largo Fry: I’m a freshman in the College, studying art history and economics. I like reading at the bio pond and calling my mom between classes.
The Hamburglar: I’m the Hamburglar.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
LF: He had this huge—like, really huge—smile on his face and wrapped me up in a big bear hug right away. He smelled a little funny, but seemed nice enough.
TH: I took what I needed, as I am wont to do. Hamburglar!!! AWAY!!!
SECONDS?
LF: I would definitely go again. He came on a little strong at times and I could only understand like, 40% of the words that came out of his oddly shaped mouth, but he paid so that was nice.
TH: (Ed. note: The Hamburglar darted away into the misty morning, yelling, “I’m the hamburglar! I’m the hamburglar!! KNYACH! KNYACH!” His whereabouts are unknown.)
