*Welcome to Lowbrow. This is all fake.*

 

Average number of times the fire alarm goes off in TEP every week because someone “burned something”: 6

Number of times that something was food: 0

MacBook Pros stolen last academic year on campus: 23

PCs stolen last academic year on campus (Ed note: one student actually donated her PC to Computer Connection. They declined.): -1

Number of fake IDs seized by Smokes’ to date: 652

Number of fake IDs seized by Blarney to date: 2