The Penis Monologues hopes to raise awareness of the true struggle that comes with being a cis–gendered straight male at Penn and will be holding auditions tonight in JMHH 202. Please come with an excerpt from one of the following monologues prepared:
“My Penis Is My House” (a.k.a. the Penis Workshop)
...that’s when I realized my penis was more than a dick. It was connection, it was safety, it was my hometown, my house. Like a really big house. Like huge, mansion house. Multiple car garage, are you guys getting that I am saying I have a huge cock?...
“Because She Liked To Suck On It”
...I probably would have never noticed her, to be honest. But when she came up and said “how about we go to the bathroom?”—in that moment, I was pushed by some invisible force, some deep well inside me, some karmic intervention to say, “trill, I’m into that”...
“Escaping Manscaping”
When she said I was hairy, I said, “that’s what men are supposed to be.” But after she called it gross, I shaved around the shaft. It felt cold and naked. It looked like a scary bald upside down ice cream cone. When she said, “see, this is why I don’t love waxing and shaving either,” I thought for a while and said, “yeah, but your hair is totally nasty, shave that shit.”
“Reclaiming the C–word”
...Say it with me: it is no longer just a kind of Sriracha, or something to rock out with. Cock. Cock. Cock! Cock! Cock!! Cock!!!
“The Moaner”
I am a man. I do not moan. I just say “you’re so fucking hot,” make some weird grunting sounds and then make a truly embarrassing cum face. And then I jizz where I want. Because I am a man.
