We Fling because we can. Because Fling has grown into a force of nature, a tradition that cannot be stopped, even if we wanted it to. We Fling because it’s one of the reasons we came to Penn, because of the memories of Penn Preview/Quaker Days past. We Fling because we remember the excitement of drinking before noon and that first time getting bass–blasted on the concert floor. We Fling because we have to.

To the stolen Biopond turtles and weekends in April forgotten, we salute you.

But what is Fling? We sent out an anonymous survey, and over 500 of you took the time to tell us how you Fling. You had opinions on the alcohol, the drug use, the concert lineup and the tanks; the budget, the struggles, the regrets and the changes. You agreed (on binge drinking and the merits of fried Oreos), and you disagreed (on how much exactly SPEC spends and the socially acceptable number of Fling tanks to purchase).

Everyone agreed on Beyoncé.

Fling is the Crunchwrap Supreme of Penn. Fling is that first gay sexual experience and that drunken text you probably wish you didn’t send. We know how we feel about Fling. Do you know how you feel? Here’s Fling, unchecked. (Ed note: All components of this introduction are based off of data collected in the following survey.) 

 

Define Fling in One Sentence

“Sorry I vommed on your little sister when she visited for Fling; she was in my way.” Fuck the Gender Binary, senior

“A bunch of overeducated shit- heads trying to party like a state school once a year.” Male, senior

“Crunchwrap Supreme is to Taco Bell as Fling is to Penn.” Male, senior

“Wanna make out?” Female, senior

“It's not gay if it's during Fling.” Male, junior

“I lovre uo oooo mchuuu.” Female, sophomore 

 

Write us a Fling Haiku

“My eyeballs are numb / Nasty ass monkeys get high / Fling a ling a ding” Female, junior “Why am I so fucked? / I don't know who I'm kissing / I'll go with it tho” Male, senior

“A freshman puking / In a straight up fanny pack / Because of YOLO” Female, junior “We drank, we boned, yeah / I vomited my in- sides / Uh–oh Facebook tag” Female,  junior

“What the fuck is a haiku?” Male, sophomore

“Friday class at 10 / TA please ignore the rum / Physics mumble floor” Female, senior

“Shit I lost my pants / Where the fuck is my cellphone / Fling Fleng Flang Flong Flung” Male, senior 

 

Tell us your worst Fling story

“Coming back from Alesso in the rain and wait- ing two hours for a train, very much sober.” Female, junior

“Threw up on my fave jammies.” Female, junior

“I hate being drunk on busses. Like you AL- WAYS have to pee, ya know?” Female, senior

“Swallowing and breathing in packing peanuts at Zetes. Lost my voice for three weeks. Defi- nitely getting cancer.” Female, sophomore

“Allergic reaction to jungle juice.” Female, sophomore

“Got lost in the Quad for three hours my soph-omore year. It was like a bad dream I couldn't wake up from. I did leave with a lot of stuff ripped off the walls, though.” Male, senior

“My friends abandoning me to go to a party at Drexel. Seriously, who goes to Drexel during Fling?” Male, sophomore

“Coming out as gay to girls who were in love with me.” Male, senior

“Having food poisoning and having to wear drawstring pants the entire time.” Female, sophomore

What are your thoughts on the Fling line up this year?

“HELL YEAH HELL FUCKING YEAH.” Male, senior

“My inner guido is pleased.” Male, junior

“More like David Gutter.” Male, junior

“Wish there were a girl.” Female, junior

“Bandz a make her dance.” Female, junior

“Wack as hell. Ya'll couldn't get Blue Ivy? Ya'll couldn't get Lil’ Mama? Ya'll couldn't get R. Kelly? SMHHHH.” Female, freshman 

If this is your first Fling, what are you most excited for? 

“Trying Molly for the first time.” Male, Freshman

“Everyone being friendly.” Male, Junior 

“Nothing, because the lineup is wack as hell and I would've been excited to see Guetta if I were still in the 9th grade!!!111!!!11!” Female, Freshman 

“Nothing. LCE will ruin it.” Male, Sophomore

“Campus–wide drug use.” Female, Freshman 

“No.” Multiple respondents 

“TANKS!!!!” Male, Freshman 

“Girl Talk.” Female, Freshman 

 

Tell us your best Fling story

“Made out with a prefrosh in a moonbounce while crossfaded." Female, Sophomore

"I peed in a bowl of Qdoba nachos in Qdoba." Male, Senior

"Irrelevant." Male, Junior

"Hundreds of inflatable unicorns rained down on me in one glorious dart moment of sunshine." Male, Sophomore

"Stole a turtle from the bio pond and brought it to Wawa." Female, Junior

"Nipples." Male, Senior

"Got crazy on whippets and hijacked a Papa John's truck." Male, Junior

 

How has Fling changed over your time at Penn?

“The freshmen are getting craftier.” Male, senior

“Bureau of Liquor Control Enforcement.” Female, sophomore

“It has become more callipygian.” Female, junior

“It's gotten more chaste.” Male, junior

“Artist selections have become more EDM and less rapper focused.” Female, senior

“More tears. Fewer beers.” Other, senior

“Before I joined my sorority it was chill. But after, I had a blaSDT with all my siSDTers!” Male, sophomore

“I don't think Zete has a petting zoo anymore which is lame.” Male, freshman

What’s your ideal Fling lineup?

“RuPaul, Robyn, The Beatles.” Fuck the Gender Binary, senior

“Tupac, Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, Whitney Houston (RIP).” Male, senior

“Smash Mouth, Robyn, Zombie Amy Winehouse.” Male, senior

“BEYONCE (Lorde will suffice)” Female, junior

“BRITNEY, BRITNEY, BRITNEY.” Male, junior

“People I have actually heard of.” Female, junior

“Beyonce, Yo Yo Ma, Hilary Duff.” Female, freshman

“Beyonce, opener Beyonce, with special guest Beyonce.” Female, freshman

Best Fling Apparel

“Nude.” Male, senior

“Condoms.” Male, senior

“Hospital Wristband.” Male, senior

“Hawaiian shirt and jorts.” Male, senior

“Nipples.” Male, senior

“Jockstraps.” Female, senior

“Anything that’s not a fucking poncho.” Male, senior

“Personalized tanks from extracurricular organizations.” Female, senior

“Tank emblazoned with your house’s letters.” Male, junior

“The tank with Amy Gutmann shooting laser beams out of her eyes, wearing a bucket hat and lighting the quad on fire.” Female, junior

“Wine bra.” Female, junior

“Anything with a collar.” Male, sophomore

“The leather sweatpant.” Female, freshman

Any Fling Regrets?

“If you don’t, you didn’t Fling right.” Female, sophomore

“Rum jug was too much.” Male, senior

“#noregrets” Female, sophomore

“Filling out this survey.” Male, junior

“Bringing my girlfriend one year.” Male, junior

“Not having sex with that Spanish exchange student in the Quad.” Male, senior

“Sex in Pike in front of multiple people.” Male, junior

“Girl Talk.” Male, sophomore

“Anal.” Female, sophomore

Do you have a message for SPEC?

“SPEC, please stop getting DJs. If I wanted to listen to a recorded song, I'd just play it on my phone.” Female, sophomore

“David Guetta? This isn't 2011.” Female, sophomore

“RafFling off a chance to buy a floor pass is really lame. Why don't you just raffle off a floor pass?” Male, senior

“Get more relevant acts. Maybe people won't get as blackout because who would want to be blackout during Beyonce?” Female, senior

“Charge a market rate for floor tickets. If they are selling for $100 on the secondary market, SPEC can charge $85 for the floor tickets and therefore decrease the price of the stands tickets to $30 per ticket. This will result in the same revenue, but more fair pricing.” Male, junior

“I know you do hard work, and you're underappreciated. I'm sorry. It's also what you signed up for, though.” Female, junior

 

What’s the biggest struggle you face during Fling?

“FOMO.” Female, junior

“Cirrhosis.” Female, sophomore

“Feeling like if you're not drunk or partying that you're doing ‘Fling’ wrong.” Female, junior

“Avoiding snarky hipsters that are eager to trash others and ruin their Flings by generating a toxic cloud of pretentiousness...like you people.” Male, junior

“Class.” Female, senior

“Maintaining and balancing sexual appetite with the exhaustion that comes from going crazy for like four days.” Male, junior

“Which dining hall to BYO.” Female, sophomore

“When I can't feel my face and bitches be like why your face sagging.” Male, sophomore

“Chafing nipples.” Male, senior

“Getting drugs during the Molly shortages of Fling '12 and '13.” Female, senior

“What size tank to get...I am the definition of small and a half.” Female, sophomore

“Trying to avoid the drunk white people.” Female, junior

graphics by Margot Halpern 


Comments

All comments eligible for publication in Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. publications.