Blunt: You like weed the way it grows — au naturale. You don’t want the chamber of a pipe separating you from your bud(dy). As your fingers work deftly, artfully turning a piece of paper in marijuana–gami, you realize that rolling is in itself relaxing. Therapeutic. So when you bring that burning blunt to your hungry lips, you are already mellowed out and ready to enjoy the high.

Bong: When it comes to getting high, you don’t fuck around. All it takes is a hit or two to feel the rush. Good for those on–the–go, or those who relish blowing bubbles like they did during bath–time. Also good for fraternity brothers who feel the need to overcompensate for something (hint: their dicks).

Bowl: For those who enjoy the shared, circle–time experience. Also for those socially inept souls who think flirting is offering to light their loved one’s bowl for them. Pass around the peacepipe, Eric Forman. As Beyonce says: to the left, to the left.

Homemade: You Pinterest betch, you. You know it’s always more fun to DIY when you’re down to get high. Maybe don’t post this one on Instagram, but you can definitely

Apple pipe: Shana Tovah, you Jewish rule-breaker! Add some honey and smoke one up for 5775.

Pipe: You are a grandfather. Tell us about Woodstock.

Vaporizer: So maybe you’re an athlete, or a health freak, or someone who just doesn’t want to get cancer. This piece will take out all those burning toxins you usually get and leave you with just the good stuff: pure, uncontaminated THC. Namaste.

Volcano: This is the Hummer of pieces. It looks like you’re breathing into a Zip–Loc bag attached to a Roomba. You look like a douchelord. But hey, these things retail at like $500 and get you super high. So you pretty much break even. 


Comments

All comments eligible for publication in Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. publications.