Worst Place to Take Your Mom:
Iztaccihuatl on a Thursday
You’re not quite sure how you got there. Your mom came to visit, you went for a walk downtown, and she was in the mood for some bargain Mexican food. She’s insisting on being the “cool mom.” You’re in college now! You can totally enjoy some Tortilla Gold margs together. Next thing you know, the president of the Wharton Hedgefund Club is handing your mom is business card and chundering all over your entrees. It was a noble attempt, but just like that kid’s enchilada, it didn’t go down as planned.
Worst Place to Throw Up: On Your Econ001 Final
Maybe you were nervous. Maybe you thought that Kweder was just too good to miss. Maybe you’re just pregnant (sorry). Whatever the reason, you just ruined any chance with that study buddy of yours for sure. There’s vomit down your shirt and all over your desk, but finishing your PPE major is dependent on this exam. You wipe your mouth, raise your hand and ask for a new blue book. Game on, Rebecca Stein.
Worst Place to Inhale on Campus: Castle Parties
There are a lot of bad places to breathe on this urban campus. We certainly don’t recommend you inhale when you’re standing above the manhole near the Love Statue or pretty much when you’re anywhere on the first floor of Fisher–Bennet (it may not be ventilated at all). In terms of sheer lung cancer risk, though, the worst place to inhale is at a Castle party. The air at those events is 98% cigarette smoke, 2% oxygen.
Worst Place to Have Diarrhea: 3rd Floor of VP
VP’s third floor tables, close to the elevators, are an ideal study spot—you can SABS while studying, there are a few outlets, there’s a water fountain, and bathrooms are nearby. However, this seemingly perfect study spot is suddenly a complete disaster when you have explosive diarrhea. The two single bathrooms adjacent to the tables have one form of ventilation: small vents in the doors. Unfortunately, they provide little air flow while simultaneously amplifying bathroom sounds. Anyone waiting outside can hear every fierce squirt, fart and flush. After you finish your business, the poopy stench pervades the bathroom hallway, and as you walk back to your table, everyone knows you’ve been pooping. When shit hits the fan, do everything you can do avoid the third floor of VP.
Worst Place to Run into an Ex: Saxby’s
Let's be real, anywhere is the worst place to run into an ex, but there is something especially fucked about Saxbys. First, no one has ever been not hungover in Saxbys. Second, all you want is an edible muffin, and they have muffins, but their degree of edibility is debatable. Let me set up a scene for you: You're hungover from too many shots at an Oz late night (you are The Scene). You got a coffee and orange juice that somehow tastes of gasoline. You run into Peter. He looks great. This light looks good on no one basically ever. He's doing work on a Sunday. Maybe that's why you broke up with him. Green Day is playing. Up next is Celine Dion. Usually you would just have to say hi, get coffee and leave. But this is Saxbys. They take forever. This will be a five minute convo, at least. Good thing you didn't order a latte.
