Fuck up more/ Have more sex/ Nothing because I'm fucking perfect/ Fuck the girl I met on the airplane on my way back to Penn/ Go to every Kweder and every Sink-or-Swim/ Be more decisive about where I should eat dinner/ Call fewer CAS students plebeians/ Not awkwardly avoid eye contact with people I know on Locust Walk/ Stop making out with all of the Zete boys #3togo/ Drop a fire album/ Conquer my fear of pooping in public restrooms because my colon deserves better/ I resolve to make resolutions in 2017/ Hook up with a girl who isn't Jewish and from New York/ Wear less, go out more/ Do coke once a month/ Try anal/ Eat mo pussy/ Say no to Gugli/ Make America great again/ NEVER step foot in Huntsman Hall again/ Fuck a professor for an A/ BYO the English house dining hall/ Lose v card/ Finally finish Gossip Girl/ Do less because Penn is hype/ Take my relationship with Fireball to the next level/ Not have sex with strangers/ Drink nothing but coffee, water, and alcohol. Exceptions can be made for chasers when drinking Tito's/ Wear less black/ Stop fucking Theos boys/ Run/ Study harder/ Only fuck people who respect me/ Fuck my MGMT100 TA now that he's not off limits anymore/ Watch more normal porn/ Travel to two new places/ Delete Tinder/ Stop telling strangers about the yeast infection I got over break/ Gains/ Do away with fuckboys in 2016. Go to bed early. Wake up early. Kick ass. Every damn day/ Stop fucking arsonists/ Out-feminist a girl in Tabard/ Wear condoms/ Find the perfect balance of xannys and alcohol so I won't black out/ Stop crying on Friday nights/ Get (drunk) brunch more often/ Advance my sexual flavor profile beyond vanilla/ Run 1,000 miles in 366 days/ Get smashed at every Feb Club event/ Don't be disgusted by my own body/ Be able to smile to everyone on Locust/ Swerve on these hoes/ See more earth/ Finally fuck that girl from OAX/ Remember at least three Fridays this year/ Stop being one of those people who seize every opportunity to mention that they're vegan/ Have a biweekly orgasm/ Leave my pledge class GroupMe. No, I will not like your Insta/ To stop dfrunk texting!!'bbb/ Grow boobs goddamnit/ Act my age (except in line at Smokes').


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