Ryan Gosling: Self Esteem Booster

All those memes of Ryan Gosling being feminist and wonderful are really just relics of his past occupation. He worked for quite sometime restoring women’s faith in men after they were screwed over by one too many John Mayer wannabes.


Michael Cera: Telemarketer

You didn’t think that his signature dejected and awkward look came naturally, did you? It came from years of being berated, screamed at and hung up on by pecople who didn’t care to remember what cause they were being asked to donate to.


Cara Delevingne: "The Odyssey" Writer

Before becoming famous for her eyebrows (which, let’s be honest, are her only real claims to fame), Cara wrote three articles a week about the “The Seven Types of People in Every Friend Group” and “Why You Should Never Lose Touch With Your High School Besties.” We think the overwhelming positivity was too much for her “edgy” little heart to handle.


Morgan Freeman: Chess Tournament Announcer

Morgan Freeman’s voice may be everyone’s third favorite card in Cards Against Humanity, but its origins trace back to his first job as a chess tournament announcer. He was responsible for representing chess as an exhilarating game of skill, a story, an art.


Jessica Alba: Playtex Product Tester

If, by any slim chance, you weren’t aware, Jessica Alba has recently come out with a new line of feminine hygiene products. This may seem random, but not when you take a look at her pre–acting history. She was actually in charge of product testing tampons. Rumor has it her experiences were so bad she swore off wearing white until she could come up with a better product.


Kristen Stewart: Back Up Dancer

The fact that her face remains the same no matter what emotion she’s feeling made her a valuable asset to any dance crew. This way, there was nothing special about her that distracted people from the artist on display. Unfortunately, her career was ruined when Stephanie Meyer wrote a character with a limited enough emotional range that Kristen Stewart was the only suitable fit.


Bill Hader: Birthday Party Clown

Bill Hader’s quirky and angular face may have seemed like just another adorkable quality to make him a perfect match for Amy Schumer in Trainwreck, but it once served a different purpose. Scaring children, to be specific. Let’s just say he was not everyone’s favorite part of little Jimmy’s birthday party.


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