Are you looking to add some much–needed spice to your Valentine’s Day? Thankfully, we at Street were able to get some valuable V–Day advice from the sex gurus over at Cosmo to make this February 14th the one you’ve been dreaming of.
Wash your Scuba Gear before the Action
Yuck! You haven’t cleaned your scuba equipment in a year, but you know you’re gonna need it again for this special day! A visit to the dry cleaners or sanitarium should do the trick.
Replace the Batteries in your lava lamp
As all you ladies know, there’s nothing worse than your lava lamp fizzling out while shaking sheets with that boy you’ve been flirting with for months. Be prepared and let that light shine during your sexy–time!
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Take down all of your paintings of pilgrims
What is this, 2010?! You can’t be caught dead with a single portrait of pilgrims in your room. Put those away and hang up some illustrations of gophers and/or sea otters like a respectable woman.
Remember your lovemaking chant
How are you supposed to impress the man of your dreams if you forget to repeatedly shout the hymn of your people as you disrobe?! We suggest starting out soft and then gradually screaming louder and louder as you proceed to sow the seeds of love.
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Check under the bed for Marsupials
It’s that time of year again, and no one’s safe! Those pesky devils will try to discreetly make their way under your sheets. No possum is awesome when they’re watching you take it in the bottom!
Talk dirty to him!
Let him know you’re really feeling it with some wild, seductive talk! We suggest screaming sexy phrases in his ear, such as “your life is void of any meaning” and “stop trying, life is all downhill from here.”
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Lay your eggs after making love
You’d be surprised at how many girls do this before their magical night instead of after. For a simple mnemonic device, just remember that the dickin’ comes before the egg!
Brush your teeth with ketchup the morning after
Turns out that urban legend your mom has been telling you about is true after all. Ketchup will prove to be your best friend on the 15th, so make sure you're stocked up.
