Buy the newest Canada Goose 

Look stylish while fending off Mother Nature’s icy wrath! This new coat catches on fire when temperatures dip below 45 degrees. The best part? It costs only $9,999.99 (plus tax)!


Pick up a nasty cigarette habit

It may be frigid outside, but smoking a pack a day will keep those lungs nice and toasty! College is a time for experimenting, so why not kill two birds with one stone and stay warm too?


Get a hoverboard

They catch on fire nowadays (Ed. note: Just like the coats!) No wonder they’re so popular.


Only hang out with your warm friends

Sure, your cold friends are always there for you, but they’re off–limits the months of December through March.


Bring your toothpaste with you everywhere

Little–known fact: the chemicals in toothpaste insulate it better than any other substance in the world. Always keep your favorite brand handy for when you need a warm snack to freshen up your breath.


Hug the first person you see when you go outside

Hold onto him/her as long as you can. Do not let go.


Wear the skin you shed earlier this year

You’re in college now. You shed your skin. No need to be embarrassed. Wear that sexy exoskeleton proudly; moulting is so in right now.


Book a GSR

We’re pretty sure they have fireplaces in those.


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