1st Floor: You’re here to jog and be seen, and don’t mind running into everyone you know.
2nd Floor: Land of the bros and hardos. It’s typically entirely males lifting weights plus the token girl who has bigger biceps than your dad.
3rd Floor: Normally 80% female and most of them are in sororities. (Ed. note: Not wearing your letters? Onto the next floor with you.) On one treadmill, there’s a girl training for a half–marathon. On the treadmill next to her is a girl who walks briskly for 15 minutes and calls it a day.
4th Floor: If a tree falls in a forest and no one was around to hear it, did it make a sound? Likewise, if someone does physical activity on the 4th floor and no one was there to see it, did the person break a sweat?
Basketball Courts: The Asian Invasion. We’re talking East and South.
Weight Room behind the Courts: Frequented mostly by frat guys in last year’s fling tanks and people who only go to socialize on the mats.
Smoothie Bar: You’re a novice and like to pretend you’re athletic and “earned” that 700–calorie power smoothie.
Rock Climbing Wall: Not for the faint of heart. This Pottruck spot is run by rock climbing vets and the Penn Outdoor Club.