Motivated Flinger: After making Moscow mules, I've decided to be a professional lime squeezer. As an occupation.

Eloquent Professor: Sea ice has 99 problems but sea level rise ain’t one.

Beloved Reader: You can submit 34th Street shoutouts now, he's gonna read them and weep.

Anxious Wharton freshman: This is the first paper I've ever had to write at Penn. I'm terrified.

Quad Security Guard inspecting Vitamin D pills: Are these narcotics?