Ask anyone what their favorite time of the year is at Penn, and two special springtime days will come to mind. During this holy time, our campus is more active than ever, as party–happy people flood into the Quad, looking for little more than a chance to skip class and get drunk off of their love for Penn (and sips of six-month-old Quad-ka).

Ah yes, Quaker Days.

With each recent admit that storms our campus for the chance to walk around in a pack of 10 asking questions like, “Apes and AEPi are the same thing, right?” we find ourselves wondering, “Did I ever look that simultaneously enthusiastic and clueless about college?”

The answer, obviously, is of course you did. And you probably posted online about it. The real college applications carnage goes down before Quaker Days even hits, whether you remember it or not. Won’t admit to yourself how psycho you were as an ickle Penn hopeful? Never fear, because Street has collected real live posts from every pre-frosh wacko’s favorite website, College Confidential. And Street will never let you forget. Here are some of the most glorious, and cringe-worthy, actual posts from College Confidential:


WH*RT*N

It might (not) come as a surprise that Wharton hopes and dreams run wild on College Confidential. Amidst these grandiose proclamations of future business school success, we see the cracks of doubt (planted intentionally by the Wharton Reputation Department, which I am convinced exists) begin to show.

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In classes? No. In the 2nd floor Quiet Study Room during finals? Absolutely.


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Pro tip: If you can’t figure this one out by yourself, you probably don’t deserve to go to Wharton.../College Confidential/Wharton/Screen Shot 2016-06-21 at 1.46.16 PM.png

You, bodybuildingecon, are a lot of things, but I honestly doubt that “sorry” is one of them.

Misguided binge-watcher or future LSM success story? Honestly the only thing we can see this education leading to is a career on the organ donation black market.

Hopefully this dreamer was able to find a New Haven for their musical skills. Your MGMT 100 team would have loved your finger cymbal rhythms.


PARENTS

A note to any and all parents reading this in a desperate attempt to unlock the secrets of the Admissions Department for their kids: GTFO. The parents of College Confidential love to remind us that saying goodbye is the hardest part. Besides, you know, actually getting into Penn.

(Ed. note: More like Street smarts, amiright?) Where, oh where to begin? To what lengths will this self-identified “tigermom” go for the sake of protecting her precious litter? Not quite sure if our campus’ mugging to student ratio is 1:1, but it would be lion to deny that our real West Philly adventures fall somewhere along the lines of drunkenly wandering alone to 45th Street at 3 AM. Example number one of “the universe of what doesn’t work?” Posts like these.

Street is not impressed.


LOL parents!


Questions Better Left Unanswered

(that we're going to answer anyway)

No.

No.

No.



One. One money.

Don’t lose faith in all of our incoming freshmen, though. At least one person out there is able to get it right:


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