Screw New Year's Resolutions; new Penn year resolutions are much more important. We asked the staff of Summer Street what their goals were for the upcoming year – or, at least, what they kept telling themselves they'd quit. Here's what they said:

Stop hooking up with the guys I tutor/ Don't take bullshit from anyone, least of all myself/ No blackouts this semester/ Run a half marathon/ Only eat gummy bears once a week/ Give less fucks/ Give more fucks about the shit actually matters/ Stop lying to myself/ Go and love yourself/ Don't hook up with my ex because dammit, I'm better than that/ Go to Center City more/ No more lost bras!/ Explore Pottruck beyond the first floor/ Level my expectations/ Stop comparing yourself to other people/ Eat. My. Way. Through. Everything/ Tell him he's a fuckboy/ Talk less, smile more/ Delete my one night stands on Snapchat/ Stop trying to make fetch happen. It's never going to happen/ Stop apologizing/ Take fewer selfies while I'm shitting/ Make it through the semester without getting a UTI/ Open up to people/ Stop self slut-shaming/ Make more stories/ Just fucking learn to cook already/ Do less/ Fuck a grad student/ Dance like you're at prom/ Get woke/ Make more people happy/ Come more/ Have sex in an elevator/ Actually memorize the address on my fake/ Fight the patriarchy/ Learn how Huntsman escalators work/ Define people by more than their club affiliation or Greek status/ Stay away from boys with Vineyard Vines laptop stickers/ Make Penn Great Again/ Join Street.


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