STEP 1: 

EAT BREAKFAST. Then pregame whatever pregame your resume–boosting club or Greek community is hosting with WATER. It might not have the same hype factor as a Red Bull vodka, but it will probably also not result in wanting to dismember anyone who speaks above a whisper in a few hours.

STEP 2: 

If you’re one of those people who decides to blow off step one because you don’t want to have all that food and liquid in your stomach before you start drinking, then we feel you. You’re being an idiot, but we feel you. Just remember today is a marathon, not a sprint, so set up your bedside table before you go out with Advil, a trash bag (we’ve all been there) and the water bottle you were supposed to have already chugged.

STEP 3: 

Darty, drink and get weird. Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do (which means you can do pretty much anything).

STEP 4: 

The best thing about the post–darty aftermath is that it’s probably only 4:30 p.m. by the time you’ve come home. Then you can take your pick of life saving, carb–carrying establishments to choose from to soak up the pool of Banker's in your stomach right now. Allegro Pizza and Wishbone and Chipotle, oh my.

STEP 5: 

Nap and caffeinate. You still have whatever sketchy events you were invited to on Facebook from that guy in your stat class to go to. This little evening slump right here is where heroes are either made or broken. Set your alarm for a solid three–hour nap, drag your poor aching body to Saxby’s and get that life– giving drink that is coffee.

STEP 6: 

You’re rested, you’re caffeinated, there’s no turning back now. Repeat step one and two and may the night bring you many DFMOs and Round Up worthy experiences. Congrats, you’ve made it, my friend. 


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