Girl in Geology #1: How was your summer?
Girl in Geology #2: Eh, I got Zika. It wasn’t that bad.
Rejected Freshman at Phi: But I was here for Quaker Days!
Sheltered Girl: I think that’s the saddest thing that happened to me—learning that Harambe was shot.
Two minutes later: Wait he was shot right?
Sexpert: No, honestly, I think if you had ever thrown up giving head you would understand.
Girl in stranger’s bed: I wake up and there’s this kid with his dick out doing yoga.