If you took Labor Day seriously, the only work you should’ve been up to this weekend was dancing to Rihanna at Made in America. With an extra day to Run This Town, we proudly channeled our inner BadGalRiRi and got down to business. You might’ve been blacked out asking, “What’s My Name?” But don’t fear, Highbrow’s here to "Pon De Replay" on all the crazy shit that happened. 

Phi got feisty this weekend when they decided to let hoards of freshmen into their party, but aggressively turned away Sasha Obama. When it comes to knowing a “brother,” we guess Barack Obama doesn’t count. That wasn’t the only Obama drama for the weekend, though. Apes had their very own BYObama at 4K where Malia was spotted being more reckless than her dance moves at Lolla. This time, she was snapped next to illa(delph) in an ironic “smoking kills” tee. Guess we know who puts the secret in secret service. 

More myS(D)Tery arose when a freshman boy decided fall rush applied to more than just fraternities. It appears the confused frosh made his way into an off campus house of SDT girls before unknowingly crashing on their couch. When a stunned senior discovered him and questioned why he was there, he claimed that his “friend in Theos” had recommended he go there. As if the freshman hadn’t already worn out his welcome, the girl then caught the intruder’s friends snorting lines in her bathroom. We can only hope these rookies learn to (tres)pass out somewhere else next time. 

Speaking of unwelcome lines, many Quakers were stuck waiting in one for two hours at Owls' Brunch. While most people were battle(ship)ing to get in, others were getting thrown out. One Chi–O senior sadly managed to sink rather than swim, when she got tossed out for not having her ship together. Meanwhile, a resourceful few found themselves taking the touristy route to get in and managed to seas the day, while the rest of us were feeling bouy back at the shore. 

While brunch goers were getting nauti(cal) in New Jersey, Philadelphia was heating up at Smokes’. A West Point student decided to skip the brunch and go straight for the punch when he hit a Penn kid at the bar. The two duked it out, but since one is an army recruit and the other knows nothing more about recruitment than OCR, we'll let you guess who won. 

In another strange duel, this time man vs. nature, a freshman who was trying to “get high” took the task too literally when he climbed a tree in the Quad. However, since it was only his second week at Penn, he must not have known that “what goes up must come down.” After “peaking,” the boy soon needed a rescue team and a ladder to get him back down. From now on, Highbrow suggests he try to stay more grounded. Or maybe he’ll realize that you can get just as high below ground in the catacombs.


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