What you need: love of country, respect for the democratic process, an unfounded mistrust of “liberal media” and all the alcohol you can buy in a capitalist economy.
- You see a a) Make America Great Again hat or b) Make America Gay Again hat or c) Make Donald Drumpf Again hat.
- Someone asks what the date is.
You see the ghost of Bernie Sanders’s campaign smoking a J on College Green.
You smell a traitor.
Eat a raw steak
- For breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Use your constitutional right to…
- Organize when your professor says you can’t collaborate on your midterm.
- Free speech when you call your international friends “commie spies.”
Take a shot whenever
- Anyone says the words “Clinton,” “Trump” or “Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”
- You vote multiple times to rig the election.
- The heavens open and God smites America.
If Hillary wins
- Chug for the duration of time Trump refuses to accept the results
If Trump wins
- Chug for the duration of your train ride to Montreal