An open letter to everyone who brought us here,

This means you, Trump supporters, third party voters, protest voters, self-righteous abstainers and the like! Congrats! You did it! Way to reject "the system." You sure showed those stuffy Washington folks!

Now there's just a few loose ends to tie up. Changing the political game is messy work, and there's bound to be a few casualties.

And by a few, I mean every woman, sexual assault survivor, Muslim person, Black person, Hispanic/Latinx person, LGBTQ+ identifying person, person with a disability, immigrant, student, or poor person you know. Whoops! But, you know, you gotta crack a few eggs, am I right??

So, just to be on the safe side, devote tomorrow to personally apologizing to each and every one of these people in your life. Explain to them why your frustration with the political system meant more to you than their rights, their safety, their lives. I'm sure they'll understand!

Happy election season, you selfish garbage people!!!!


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