1. Befriend that person in recitation who does all the reading. Kidnap them.


2. Tell your professor you suffer from a rare, unnamed condition that makes you lazy and inattentive. Forge a doctor’s note for legitimacy.


3. File a stalking report against your TA when they ask you why you haven’t been to class since September.


4. Sleep with your TA.


5. Become a Russian agent and hack into Canvas.


6. Say you’ve been too emotionally distressed by the inconsistent weather patterns to study.


7. Get a dragon.


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