The Locust Flyerer. 

It’s 11:02 a.m. on a Monday morning. You’re briskly walking down locust on your way to DRL for recitation, and you just want to have your sad walk in peace. You descend down from the 38th Street Bridge and are beginning your plan of disengagement in how you are going to most effectively avoid the swarm of people flyering on Locust for just about anything and everything. Don’t get us wrong, Highbrow loves to see that Penn remains an active campus outside of the classroom as well—we appreciate your talents and passions. But we're already two minutes late for our 11 a.m., and every flyer that we have to stop to take from you adds another three seconds to our journey. We barely even say hi to our friends. If we can’t make a false promise to get coffee with our roommate from last year, we certainly can’t stop to hear about your next GBM. We will be charging you on Venmo for the lost time we have spent taking your flyer, attending your new club’s GBM, and sitting in office hours. Hugs and kisses.

The Serenader.

With only 10 minutes in between classes to basically get from one side of Philadelphia to the other we basically enter into an Escape The Room challenge. As the too–long span of Big Little week drags on, we’ve started enjoying (read: enduring) the serenades of our beloved freshman dudes singing ballads of love to the sorority gals of Penn as part of their new member education tasks. Picture this: it's 1:50 p.m. and you're throwing your backpack over your shoulder to leave Spanish class with the hope of grabbing a coffee at Wilcaf before your two o’clock. But as you exit the room, it seems there is some sort of barricade in corridor. Whatever could this be? You need caffeine to get through your next lecture. Your classmate who has been consistently wearing this white hat with her name across it emerges from the doorway and the six boys immediately break into song. You’re really trapped now. You don’t want to be rude and push by them, or worse, get in front of one of her five friends taking a snapstory of the occasion. The other direction of the hallway leads to a dead end. You begin to reconcile the fact that you will not have time to stop at Wilcaf and try your best to just enjoy the song, but alas, it's just really not that funny. As the noise concludes, one of the new members in the process of education hands her a coffee and a cake pop from Starbucks. Literally, what? Where is your coffee for enduring the three minutes of having to stand there? Don’t worry kids, we, too, are wondering where our compensation coffee is.


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