The Virgin Mary herself: What if I just become a born–again virgin? People do that, right? Like, I'm just going to profess myself a virgin.

Honest Friend: Every weekend you don't fuck erases a guy.

Mary: Oh God, I need like three years.

Downtown Sinner: I needed Jesus today, but the church was locked. Probably the worst rejection I've had by a boy.

OG JAP: Oh yeah, totally, you see her walking down the street and you're like "JAP."

Drunk, philosophical white girl, probably history major: It's just such a turn–on when a guy has a favorite founding father.

Wharton forum troll: Is nut sack one word or two...?

Party girl: Last time he got really drunk, he peed in a closet.

More aware party girl: At least he didn't set it on fire...

Inseparable homies: If we fart, we're gonna fart right into each other's butts.


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