Another day, another software update, another terrifying rumor. Though Apple has yet to make any formal statements on the topic, there have been whispers of it across the internet: with iOS 11, people will be notified when you screenshot their messages. GASP.
What might your life look like in a world where your shade is always exposed? And how can you react to this exposure? Street is here to get you through the best ways to face this potential new era of human evolution.
Scene: You have just downloaded iOS 11 on your iPhone like the technologically savvy, young millennial that you are. Wow! The updates, man! The new, fresh–looking interface! Suddenly, your ex–boy hits you with the bi–monthly, “You up?” text. Your fingers instinctively move to both the lock and home button and you simultaneously hit them, screenshotting that shit. You’re about to send it out to your group chat—they won’t believe he’s still doing this, ugh—when another text comes through:
“Did you just screenshot me????”
Welcome to iOS 11. Welcome to a world where people know when you're doing that shit you always do. How can you respond? How can you be yourself anymore? How can you continue doing that shit you always do?
Perhaps, you should first reflect on your motives for screen shotting so often in the first place. Sometimes, you just want to communicate the experience to your friends in the purest way possible—you want them to see exactly what you saw. Or, you need advice and a screenshot is the fastest way to solicit it. You never even thought of it as a violation of privacy; everyone does it. But now, everyone can see it. And ex-boy's privacy is suddenly feeling very violated. So, you have to face the conflict, and this time you have to do it screenshot-free.
Option 1: Deny, deny, deny. His phone is broken, or has a virus, or he’s seeing things. There’s no possible way the text was screenshotted. Start calling yourself Shaggy and repeat “It wasn’t me.” (Ed. note: Fuckboys who screenshot nudes on snapchat tend to use this strategy, so it's totally believable.)
Option 2: Pull the accident card. It was a butt–dial! Except it was a butt–screenshot, you know? Your phone was in your pocket, and when you sat down, the pressure between ass and seat was perfectly distributed in such a way that the screenshot buttons were hit. Oops! So sorry!
Option 3: Hit him with a legitimate argument. I mean, we’ve all already known that when we send a text, it can always be screenshotted and circulated. But, your ex–boy still went ahead and sent a risky text. He knew what he was getting himself into. Just because now he can see that you screenshotted it, it doesn’t make it wrong for you to have done so. Sorry not sorry.
Option 4: Throw out your iPhone, abandon the world of technology and move to the woods. Honestly, not a bad idea. You should probably do this even if you don’t get caught screenshotting a text.
Option 5: Don't abandon the world of technology, and instead utilize the many options that our techy world provides for us. Promise yourself that you will never fall into this trap again. Switch to an Android, or use an iPod touch, camera or even laptop to take real pictures of your conversations. Nifty!
Option 6: Swear off iMessage. Alert your friends, family and ex–lovers that you will now be exclusively communicating through email, WhatsApp (for the bold people who are down with constant read receipts) or even something tasteful like LinkedIn messenger. The possibilities are endless! You can do this without technology too—try a carrier pigeon, a la option 4.