This week, Street's sex tips focus on where to do, well, whatever it is you crazy kids are doing. You're welcome.
Do people actually have sex in Huntsman? If so, any tips?
In short, yes. Those Wharton snakes and their sexual partners sometimes like to take a risk—and use GSRs for pastimes very different than what Jon M. Huntsman intended. Here are some lessons on G-sex-R (from experience).
Pro tip: make use of the OCR GSRs—you'll find that a lot of the upper level GSRs are covered in white paper to keep the "interviews" private.
Dress code: Loose and baggy. Quick exit, quick entrance.
Potential risks: Security could always walk in and check your Penn Cards. But you could always play it off as 'note sharing'. (Ed. note: Security will definitely ascertain that you're exchanging much more than just FNCE 100 worksheets.)
Further field research: Still need to scope out the situation on classrooms & cameras. Updates to come.
Sex under the button is passé – what’s the new spot?
So I’ve been thinking a lot about this because this was the most popular question. And I have the perfect place. It’s my secret spot and I think it’s my duty to share it with you.
Behind the LOVE statue.
You’re probably thinking “wait, what?” and you’d be right. It’s definitely risqué. BUT! Unlike the Button, the LOVE statue doesn’t have cameras facing it (or ones that you can see, so that means they’re not there, right?), you’re concealed by shrubbery AND you get to look at a Castle while you do it. Basically, it’s a honeymoon spot—you’re going to LOVE it.
Pro Tip: make sure you bring a blanket or something to lie on the ground because depending on the weather it can be a bit muddy.
Best tips to have sex in the Quad?
Ahhh, the Quad. My best tip is to find yourself a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mama (aka someone who lives in a single in a house or apartment) and stay away from the bed–bug infested plastic mattresses! Kidding (not really).
Here are a few tips on how to best use your space in your room for okay sex (no sex in the Quad is good sex. If you’ve only ever had sex in the Quad, just you wait).
Bed: Depending on how high your bed is, I recommend girls lean over the side of the bed while their partner goes at it from behind. That way, you avoid the loud squeaking of the bed and the banging against the wall, which is a dead giveaway to your neighbor that you have a visitor.
Chair: Don’t underestimate the chair that comes with your little room. They rock back and forth for a reason...
Desk: I only recommend desk sex if
1) you don’t have loose papers from first semester cluttering the space
2) you don’t have loose pens because if you sit on one the wrong way, you’re fucked (literally and metaphorically)
3) your desk isn’t by the window. I can’t stress this point enough. NOBODY wants to see you fucking. You might think you look awesome while you’re doing it, but I promise you, you probably look like a fish out of water, just flopping away. You have never seen your face while you’re fucking someone, but we have, and it’s really not something you want to share with the whole Quad. So, you’re welcome.
If you’re not lucky enough to snag a single, the roommate situation can present quite a challenge. The best way to deal with this is to have a frank conversation with him or her at the beginning of the year and establish rules for how to go about bringing that ~special someone~ home—how long in advance you have to let your roommate know, rules for sleepovers, division of room time, etc. Make use of your RA as well—safe sex is good sex, and your RA is the keeper of the condoms.
*Side note: make sure you have a clean roommate if you’re taking anyone back to your room. There is nothing worse than a dirty space, even if it’s not on yours. Also, make sure you wash your sheets after, and take out your trash. People are more observant than you think.
*Name has been changed.