The following conversation is based on real life events.
Sept. 3, 2017
Subject: broken stovetops
The stovetops in our kitchen have been broken since we’ve moved in and do not turn on at all. This is absolutely unacceptable, as we cannot cook. Please send someone to fix this immediately.
Also, our front door knob is broken off and we cannot get into our house from outside. One of us has to stay home at all times to let the others in. Please send someone immediately; Rachel has to go to class.
Sept. 9, 2017
Subject: stovetops STILL not fixed
It’s been 6 days now that our maintenance request has been ignored. I’d like to emphasize the urgency of this situation.
Sep. 24, 2017
Subject: missing window/dishwasher/lights/everything
Thanks for sending a maintenance guy over. Who could have known that the stovetops were actually electric and not gas, and have been working this whole time even though we did not see a flame? Certainly not us!
On another note, the screen on the second floor bathroom window is missing. The dishwasher leaks A LOT, and Audrey slipped and fell and almost broke a bone yesterday. The light fixture in my room also abruptly fell from the ceiling onto my bed, just inches away from probably decapitating me. These maintenance issues are hazards that we simply refuse to live with. Our house is dangerous. Send help ASAP.
Oct. 1, 2017
Subject: ALIENS?!? IN KITCHEN
There has been evidence of FOREIGN CREATURES in our kitchen. They are eating our food and crawling through our walls. We think they come out at night.
We are clean girls and it is clear that this was an existing problem when we moved into the house. It is NOT our fault. I will expect help to come today; if not, we will be expecting alternate sleeping conditions until these creatures are gone. Also, the dishwasher/windows/lights are still all broken.
Oct 9, 2017
Subject: CREATURE ISSUE UNTREATED
It’s been multiple days and the creature sightings have increased. They are getting more and more fearless and are now showing themselves in broad daylight. Yesterday, I had a staredown with one in my own living room. It won, and screeched with pride. Then it ate our microwave.
The maintenance guy who was here yesterday was not trained in alien creatures and was of no help. He didn’t know how to fix our dishwasher either.
Oct. 10, 2017
Subject: Re: CREATURE ISSUE UNTREATED
AUTOMATED RESPONSE: Thank you for contacting Leasing Agency. Effective yesterday, I am no longer working with Leasing Agency.
If this is an emergency maintenance request, good luck with receiving a response.
Oct. 13, 2017
I have previously tried to get in touch with Joe, who it seems is no longer working for your agency. I have forwarded you our email exchange.
Since then, it has been confirmed that the creatures spotted in our kitchen are indeed mice, though their size and girth is generally very distressing. They multiply very quickly and we have estimated that we are outnumbered by about 12 mice per tenant by now.
I am finally coming to terms with Leasing Agency’s incompetence. We have called the Health Department and are waiting for a REAL exterminator.
I feel ill. Mice carry life–threatening diseases. Thanks.