Traditionalist: “I’m saving anal for marriage.”

Essay critic: “Your body fluid descriptions are so good.”

Frat boy post–coitus: “This is what I do to procrastinate for my midterms.”

Frustrated foreigner: “For the last time, I’m not a hipster, I’m just not from America.”

Confused international: “Who’s Betsy Ross? She sounds like a right bitch.” 

Sophomore to high school friends: "I can't believe that in ten years we'll all get married!"


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