- Tech–Savvy Sophomore: "I'm gonna zoom in. And by zoom in, I mean walk closer."
- Stressed–Out Gym Bro: "All of the Adderall and nicotine from finals has got me losing weight during bulking season. Do you know how that feels?"
- Huntsman Realist: “I can leave my coat here. These people are more likely to steal my econ notes than my jacket.”
- Preprofessional Twink: "Finally, I can afford the butt implants I've always wanted with my signing bonus."
- Type A Self–Saboteur: "Paper planners are where it's at ladies: if I'm gonna ruin my life, I want a paper trail."
- Charitable Drinker: "When I'm drunk, standards are low and sex drive is high."
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