Radian Resident: "My apartment is a power bottom."

Self–Aware Sexter: "I can't run for office, I have too many nudes in circulation."

Junior, post–hookup: "He's objectively ugly, but he has long hair."

Shrink Elitist: "He's a Rittenhouse Therapist; you probably haven't heard of him."

Statesman Reader: "This is so funny! I mean, this is sarcastic, right?"

Wharton Romantic: "I'm thinking about getting the Bain Capital logo vajazzled for Valentine's Day."

Astute Sophomore: "Move over, Frontera—the best place to SABS is CAPS."


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