Need a soundtrack for those long rides on the Hogwarts Express? What did Dumbledore’s Army jam to before their big showdown? What was playing at the Yule Ball? How about for those often and inevitable life–threatening magical situations? For this special edition of Street Beats, we passed Hogwarts the AUX cord: these are the Harry Potter characters' personal playlists. Be warned: their Spotify’s will leave you Stupefy’ed.
Harry listens to exclusively sadboy, special snowflake indie rock that “you’ve probably never heard of” and “you definitely won’t get”, since he’s all complex being the Chosen One, or whatever.
Stressed Out — 21 Pilots: Harry is “Stressed out” by the Death Eaters that are constantly trying to murder him, the stalker girls who try to slip him love potions and just the unbearable weight of being ~the Chosen One~. Ugh.
RIP 2 my Youth — The Neighbourhood: The perfect amount of brooding about adolescence encapsulated into a song. Accio teen angst (subtweet @ Cho Chang)!
Hero — Family of the year: "Let me go, I don’t want to be your hero.” ‘Nuff said. #chosenone
Your Mother’s Eyes—The Head and the Heart: Take a shot for every time you hear “You have your mother’s eyes.”
You-Know-Who-Needs-A-Playlist-To-Capture-All-His-Inner-Rage.
Ride of the Valkyries — Richard Wagner: This is Voldy’s fight song, his take back his life song!
Hail to the King — Avenged Sevenfold: Nothing to feed your god complex like a scream song that reeks of bloody machismo!
Last Resort — Papa Roach: Voldy really did cut his life into pieces. Seven of them, to be exact.
Nosetalgia — Pusha T: He Who Must Get A Better Plastic Surgeon.
Someone please tell his father about his horrendous music taste.
Photograph — Nickelback: I want my nickel back; scratch that, I want my Galleon back.
All Star — Smash Mouth: Get Shrek’d.
Cotton Eye Joe — Rednex: “If it hadn’t been for… POTTER!!!!”
If you like righteous anger and girl power, Hermione’s playlist is for you.
Why Can’t I? — Liz Phair: Hermione listened exclusively to Exile in Guyville the entire time Ron was dating Lavender Brown.
Formation — Beyonce: “Okay house elves, now let’s get in formation” is the unofficial chant of the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare.
Rebel Girl — Bikini Kill: Because who wouldn’t want to listen to riot grrrrl rock while condemning the wizard patriarchy?
Ron’s always been a little… slow, notably in situations of peril (see: all the times he almost killed the trio). So is his music taste: our favorite ginger listens exclusively to LAST YEAR’S Top 40 hits.
Cruise— Florida Georgia Line: Ron’s favorite song to listen to while he’s “Cruise”–ing in his flying car.
Closer—the Chainsmokers: Ron: “Have you heard this song yet? It’s so good! Real underground stuff.” Get this boy a Time Turner to the present.
Achy Breaky Heart — Billy Ray Cyrus: Ron has a soft spot for country music and screamed along to this song during his fight with Hermoine.
Also known as the GOAT (see: Greatest Of All Time), Dumbledore has the music taste of an NBA all star.
2 Of Amerikaz Most Wanted — 2Pac feat Snoop Dogg: Ain’t nothing but a wizard party.
Forever — Drake: Last name Ever, first name Greatest — more like last name Dumbledore, first name Albus.
Enchanted —Taylor Swift: Dumbledore has a soft spot for T Swizzle. Who doesn’t?
The Half–Blood Prince listens to music as brooding and affected as his pseudonym.
Hate everything about you — Three Days Grace: Snape silently fumes to this song while he seethes at Harry during Potions class.
Hurt — Nine Inch Nails: Our favorite anti-hero cries into his robes to this song.
My Girlfriend’s Dead — The Vandals: ...too soon? “Always.”
Neville’s music taste is as uncomfortable as he was to look at as a child.
Lucky — Britney Spears: Thank god, he's lucky wasn’t ACTUALLY the Chosen one.
Who Says — Selena Gomez: Whenever Neville needs a confidence boost, he blasts Sel to comfort him for being an uncomfortable–looking child.
GLOWED UP— KAYTRANDA: NEVILLE GLO’ED THE FUCK UP, Y’ALL.
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