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• Word on the street: Soccer is bad for you

This Issue 12/04/2008

• Dear Shabby
• No Sitting!

Pile up the back of the Durango with a few 24-packs of Natty Light and some Smirnoff Ice (chicks dig that raspberry shit), turn up the beats, and you’re on your way to the best game day celebration since the Buckeyes beat the Wolverines. All you need is a trip to the Piggly Wiggly and a portable grill. If you bribe your bro at Lambda to lend you their portable pong table, you’re in for an extra treat.

What to bring:

1. 10 packs of burger patties, eight to a pack. The fresh kind is better, but check the expiration date. That’s one thing you don’t want to screw up. Or pick up frozen Bubba Burgers, ’cause you can’t go wrong there.

2. 2 packs of Kraft Singles American cheese

3. 10 packs of burger buns

4. A couple sleeves of Solo cups, coordinated to team colors

5. A few pounds of ice to keep the beer chilled (and to numb the QB’s black eye after the game)

6. Your A Game

7. Your B Game (in case the Smirnoff Ice doesn’t work)

8. Trojans, for the post-game

9. Paper towels, to clean up the vom in the back seat

10. Designated driver. I heard my geology tutor wanted a ride to the game, in case you’re interested.