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This Issue 12/04/2008

• Game Day Fashion
• Dear Shabby
• Guilty Pleasures: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
• This Just In: Subway Delivers Beers
• The Morning After the Bar Fight

Student government: an organization that seeks to better the university and respond to students’ needs. Elections for office positions are held each fall, during which time candidates hang posters around campus, give away free shit to their peers and argue about the definition of the word “government.”

A cappella: includes rival groups “Off the Street” and “The Streetles,” who both arrange and sing a cappella versions of video game theme songs. “Off the Street” has gained recognition for its light samba sounds, while “The Streetles” are better known for a gospel-choir flavor.

Approximately 95% of Street U. students are involved in Greek life and most must endure a grueling and over-dramatized process of rushing and hazing before earning full status as brothers and/or sisters.

Testimonials

Jack Christianson, fifth-year sophomore

“Duuude, Street U.’s the best. I only applied here as a safety school, but after I didn’t get into the University of Street (my parents’ alma mater), I thought, hey, why not? Now I love it so much I’m staying until they kick me out. Plus, I hear that kids at the University of Street have to write papers. Here, the chicks are hot, the beer’s always flowing and Phish performs at Spring Bash every year. What else could I ask for from a college?”

Tiffany Jones, freshman

“Coming from a small town outside Newark, I was a little worried about Street U.’s size. But once I got here I realized that all of my high school friends are here, too. In fact, it’s like nothing has changed. We still play Beirut on Friday nights and go to football games together on Saturdays. I want to major in Cosmetology, so I can own my own salon one day. I’ve heard it’s a pretty tough department (plus classes meet on Fridays… eww), but my sorority sisters have copies of the exams from the last ten years. <3 Gamma Kappa Upsilon.”

Testimonials
Jack Christianson, fifth-year sophomore

“Duuude, Street U.’s the best. I only applied here as a safety school, but after I didn’t get into the University of Street (my parents’ alma mater), I thought, hey, why not? Now I love it so much I’m staying until they kick me out. Plus, I hear that kids at the University of Street have to write papers. Here, the chicks are hot, the beer’s always flowing and Phish performs at Spring Bash every year. Answer me this: what else could I ask for from a college?”
Tiffany Jones, freshman