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Sarah Kinosian

Clockwise from left: Noah Aptekar, Richard Schmidt, Drew Lassiter, Jim Farrell, Christian Myers, Stelios Plakas, Tommy McMahon, Nate Abrams, Andrew Gold, Adam Drici, Chris Ashley. Not pictured: Gerry Chang.

This Issue 11/20/2008

• Annual Traditions
• Off The Wale

The foxy men of Alpha Chi Omega’s Big Man on Campus pageant love themselves. And their pelvic thrusts. Check them out tonight, 8 p.m. at the Starlight Ballroom.

Street: What makes you a big man on campus?

Richard Schmidt: My penis.

Andrew Gold: My goldshlonger.

Chris Ashley: I am small, but my presence* is large (*presence = presents = package).

Nate Abrams: Girth.

Gerry Chang: I’m going to assume “big” means “Scrawny Asian.”

Adam Drici: The fact that you’re asking speaks volumes about your social status.

Street: How were you recruited to compete?

Tommy McMahon: I was approached after I won an intense dance battle on the corner of 54th and Market.

Stelios Plakas: The girls know what’s up. They’ve seen my skills.

Christian Meyers: I’m used to women begging me, but this was seriously pathetic.

Nate: By force.

Street: How will you combat stage fright?

Drew Lassiter: By stuffing my pants to give the perception of a larger penis than I really have.

Chris: With sword and pistol.

Noah Aptekar: With a whip. Whip it good!

Christian: I don’t fear the stage. The stage fears me.

Street: Who would be biggest woman on campus?

Drew: Any girl that would possibly consider making out with me would win my vote.

Chris: Naturally, the heaviest.

Andrew: Amy Gutmann.

Adam: Bitch holds it down.

Street: If you don’t win, who do you want to win?

Richard & Christian: Adam Drici.

Tommy: Drew. He looks better in Spandex.

Gerry: Tommy. I think he needs it.

Adam: Stelios is old enough to be my dad, so I’d concede my victory to him, and maybe even get some free Greek Lady out of the deal.

Chris: Nobody. I’d rather OFSA try to cancel it again.

Street: What is the most valuable thing you have learned from the BMOC process?

Richard: That the “Big” is figurative. I’m actually quite small compared to most men on campus.

Drew: That a well-timed pelvic thrust is highly underrated.

Chris: How to polish my pelvic thrust.

Christian: That homosexuality and good dance moves are mutually exclusive. I’m in the back of the dance line.

Street: Who will you thank in your acceptance speech if you win?

Richard: Myself. Who else would have gotten me there?

Andrew: My mom, for giving me sick dance moves.

Adam: Jack Daniels, for making it all possible.

Christian: Larry Moses and Jesus.

Street: Who would play you in a movie about your life, and what would the movie be called?

Stelios: Tom Cruise, Matt Damon and Kiefer Sutherland would all be needed.

Andrew: Samuel L Jackson, because of the resemblance.

Adam: Fratdaddypalooza 3, with Harrison Ford in the lead.

Christian: Mariah Carey. Glitter.

Gerry: Jackie Chan in Rush Hour 4.

Street: If you could have dinner with one character or historical figure, who would you choose and why?