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This Issue 04/09/2009

• The Rural Jurors
• The Round Up: 4.9.09
• Recipe of the Week: Flourless Chocolate Torte
• BYOB: Brew Your Own Beer

After a good run as Angel Grove’s top martial arts fighting squad, they hung up their Zords in favor of “normal” teenage lives. But little did they know that being out of the limelight had its pitfalls — Putty Patrollers not included. In theory, these socially diverse teenagers with attitude should’ve done great things. In practice they all ended up in West Philadelphia. Although enslaved to their 9-5 jobs (minus the homeless one… read on), they still find time to fight crime, or gentrification at least.

Kimberly Ann Hart
This gymnast with a Valley Girl attitude could’ve gone on to be the next Shawn Johnson. However drugs, motorcycles and bad boyz made a high school-dropout baby mamma out of this teen dream. At present Kimberly can be found saving up for her next round of Botox, squeezing the day shift in between cigarette breaks at Greek Lady.

Jason Lee Scott
Three first names, one big personality. Unsurprisingly, this pretty boy peaked in high school. After a stint as a stereotypical jock type, Jason realized that speaking quarterback fluently did not a career in the real world make. Now, Jason makes his living touring nation-wide with the Angle Grove carnival as the token dunk (tank) hunk.

Dr. Tommy Oliver
Believed by most to be the best power ranger ever, Tommy is now homeless. After an illustrious career with several fighting squads, Tommy went on to get a PhD in paleontology and was briefly a big deal. He now lives on the grate outside of Pottruck.

Billy Cranston
The typical trajectory for a stereotypical high school nerd goes something like this: Ivy League school, i-banking, mad money and hos. Billy sure did make it to the Ivy League, swiping cards at Sansom Place West that is. Although he might not have the mad money and hos, he is happy among the Sansom Place West’s glitterati.

Trini Kwan
No relation to Michelle, Trini was an environmental activist from a young age. After a failed career as the head of PETA’s reptile paraphernalia committee, she’s camped out on College Green to make her statement. Now she’s one of those crazies on Locust and can be found berating MWF 2-3:30, before crazy Jesus man and after crazy painting Jesus man. A reformed ranger, she traded guns for flowers and is no longer active with the squad.

Zack Taylor
Zack Taylor died in a freak break-dance battle. He popped, locked and dropped dead.