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This Issue 01/29/2009

• Older than Larry King
• Blood, Fret and Tears
• The Magic School Bus

"Fuckin' beauty queens blowing chunks everywhere."

Intrigued? You betcha.

Drop Dead Gorgeous explores the dark underworld of beauty pageants. The twist? We're deep in Minnesota and our beauty queen hopefuls are dropping like flies. This mocumentary kills off teenage beauties in the most delightful of ways, all masked behind the sweet innocence of the Midwestern accent. Whether exploding on a fateful thresher ride or burning up in the belly of a giant swan, DDG is deliciously morbid.

As protagonist Amber Atkins (Kirsten Dunst) battles Becky Ann Leeman (Denise Richards) in her pageant dream of becoming the next Diane Sawyer — but not as hippy, of course — I move closer toward never being able to pronounce the letter 'o' the same way ever again. I don't think I'll ever get enough of the "oh craps" and "yer cutes!" And you'll feel the same way too, y'know?