This movie...how do you say...ah, yes...blows
The only legendary feature of Zorro is Zeta-Jones‹¨« melons
Posted on Thursday, October 27, 2005 at 1:00 am
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Despite a dramatic opening, golden Z's and a suspenseful score, The Legend of Zorro never reaches an ultimate climax. Although entertaining, Legend's fight sequences, grounded by only a faint storyline, consume the entire film. It's all been done before, most notably in this movie's predecessor, The Mask of Zorro. This time around, Don Alejandro (Banderas) has a son with Elena (Zeta-Jones), a cocky, quarrelsome boy named Joaquin. But who needs plot when the dialogue accompanying it contains such wonderful verses such as, "Listen to me, you backwards-ass frog" and "I'll cut your tongue and feed it to the dogs." Indeed, more important is the life lesson gleaned from Legend: saying "s‹¨«" is always sexier than saying "yes".

Sadly, this time around the cheesy dialogue, passionless make-out sequences and themes of freedom and rebellion prove tiresome. The only thing that has changed since Mask is Antonio Banderas' haircut. What a surprise.

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