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This Issue 11/03/2005

Also in this issue

• From the editor
• Guides
• Half dollar, whole story
• Sticky situation

John Nash might have been smart, but he was socially retarded.

Orange and black? Halloween was so last week, loser-faces. What, was red and green already taken, loser-faces?

Because Muffy's not a name, it's a vagina.

Because their black students are whiter than you.

Because on average a Princeton student has hooked up with two of their cousins.

Take a look at tigers in pop culture: Tony the Tiger, Tigger, Tiger Woods, even Tiger Beat Magazine -- hardly a plethora of fierce flesh-feeding felines. At least Quakers eat a hearty breakfast. Tigers lick their butts. Dirty tiger salad-tossers, get your kicks some other way.

Because old money smells.

Because Princeton was Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray's dream school in A Cinderella Story.

By diversity, they mean that one kid from public school.

Because when WASPs are drunk they're still boring.

The Princeton Review might be the most biased, ass-kissing college prep company on the market. Just look at what they said about P-town: Best College Library, School Runs Like Butter, Best in the Northeast, Best Value College, College with a Conscience, Most Politically Active, Best Quality of Life, Happiest Students. Penn, of course, only made the list for Best Cheesesteaks. Penn 1, Princeton 0.