Printer-friendly version

Send to a friend

This Issue 01/18/2007

Also in this issue

• Throw it Back
• Street Beats
• From the Editor
• YouTube Clip of the Week

One of my most intriguing case studies is my investigation into the recruiting rituals of collegiate Greek societies. I observed these institutions closely during their so-called "Rush" procedures, by impersonating the honorary "Rush Chair" for the fraternities, and "Rho Chi" for the sororities. What I discovered was most interesting.

As following from their Greek predecessors, fraternities seemed to be ideologically centered around latent homosexuality. One of the most striking examples of this is illustrated with the "beer bong", which seems to be a tool to cope with oral fixation. While rather tasty, at the same time, this device appears overtly phallic (previous studies show that phallic and tasty generally come in pairs). In a similar fashion, castration anxiety is handled with a series of pledging rituals including "spanking" and this intriguing phenomenon known as "the elephant walk." Fraternities are also characterized by misogynism which seems to stem from a yearning amongst members to have sex with their mothers. In order to replace this mother figure, and to show future members of their society that they can provide an adequate lineage, they cajole supple-breasted women to remove their clothing for their viewing pleasure. Hm, fascinating.

On the female side, the process seems to concentrate on dominance due to blatant penis envy. Due to the female lack of manhood, sorority rush is exhibited differently. The rushees dress similarly to the Venetian penny whores from my childhood, which, while serving as a token of nostalgia, perplex me indeed. Why do these women want to show one another what their breasts look like when they are pushed together? Perhaps this reminds the other women that they have a fertile uterus, just as their mothers used to have. The female rushees also display their oral fixation differently from the men. In this case they firmly apply their index finger (or, upon occasion, a toothbrush) down the esophageal canal promptly before entering the house of sisterhood. Social interaction during this process is limited to fawning and flattery on the part of the rushees, originating from insecurity and a values system that puts sisterhood over dignity. This is no surprise as nearly all of these women have weak superegos, and, once again, sisterly acceptance serves as an obvious substitution for a schlong.

On that note, I must end my diatribe with a foray into KY jelly wrestling. A bient“t.