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This Issue 02/08/2007

Also in this issue

• Street Beats
• Deep thoughts from Britney spears' vagina
• Dispatches
• Ghostly bad

9:00 a.m.: Wake up. Admire the thread count.

9:30: Enter shower.

9:40: Wet badger-hair shaving brush with warm water, apply lather to face.

10:15: Check [Stanford] Encyclopedia [of Philosophy] Word of the Day. Practice in a variety of contexts.

10:21: Admire bookshelf. N.B. Rearrange by publisher, reverse alphabetical order. Yes, vintage will do nicely indeed.

11:49: Conclude urban studies seminar with 10-minute disquisition on Marxism.

11:54: Lunch at Cereality. Tell cashier, "Thank you, my good man." N.B. What does Derrida deconstruct over breakfast: cereality! How could Punch Bowl resist?

2:12: Begin Van Pelt loitering. Step out for the occasional cigarette.

3:45: Enter Rare Book room. Check out Dreiser manuscript. Compare handwritings. N.B. A perfect match!

4:30: Logan Hall. Remind Philosophy professor of your existence, vast extent of knowledge.

5:00: Walk to Writer's House. Notice muscular student with attractive girlfriend on the bridge. Reflect smugly on Allegory of the Cave.

5:15: Enjoy Writer's House's delicious array of cheeses and crackers. Compliment "sous-chef Al Filreis." Laugh heartily.

9:30: Laundry: the true plight of modern man.

12:30: Fill carafe. Snuff candle by the bedside. Gaze longingly through the window, out over Harnwell College House, and slowly whisper, "Rodolfe! Rodolfe!" to the crescent moon.