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This Issue 02/08/2007

Also in this issue

• Penne: Hers
• Daily schedule
• Penne: His
• Weighing the Options

Calling me pretentious? Oh, aren't you original! Now let us pretend for a minute that you're not hurling uninformed vitriol at me to compensate for your own inadequacy and failure, and give it to me straight, friend: how can I just be an unassuming regular Joe?

I could watch the boob tube, yeah? Mosquitoes buzz towards lanterns. But as much fun as it'd be to gather my girls together to bask in the glow of some pseudo-celebrity's uh-mazing curly locks, I've recently rendered my wood-paneled RCA into a nonfunctional vacuum cleaner. My African friend Noella admired my l'art pour l'art ethos. She's from Chad. In Africa.

Settle down now, don't be insulted! I didn't mean to imply you only cared about television. What, you and your comrades just marched on Congress in a war protest? My, isn't that commendable! How engaged you are! See, I always thought that behind all occupations and invasions lurks a more basic, pervasive evil, and that the image of evil was a parade of people marching by with raised fists and shouting identical syllables in unison. But that's just me. good going, plebeian!

But outside of truly disliking war, I am sure you and I share myriad interests. Reading for one. No, it's not worth discussing titles. My favorites don't have raised lettering on their covers. However, I bet you, like I, must enjoy taking in the occasional film. Have you seen Eternal Sunshine? Oh good! In truth I found that it labors far too much for its shallow intellectualism. I much prefer the devastating simplicity of Ladri di Biciclette.

Apologies, but I must step outside. Care for a French cigarette? Why French?! Goodness! I could drink up your confusion like a Tequila Sunrise.