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This Issue 02/15/2007

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Dear Reading,

If I could record this for you, I would. Reading is worse than TV for a lot of reasons. One reason is that you can't change the channel of your book (unless it's a Goosebumps Pick-Your-Own-Ending book). Also, when you watch TV, you can eat sandwiches at the same time. When I try to read a book and eat a sandwich, I always spill mustard down my front (gross). My favorite TV shows are COPS and Paula Zahn's At Home Cooking. You can't read a book about how criminals get punched in the face or about how good macaroni and cheese LOOKS. People who say reading makes you smart are wrong because I don't read and I still got my degree from DeVry University in 6 years. I saw their commercial on TV, so what do you say to that? My friend Randy always tells me how a lot of TV shows come from books, but I don't believe him because he's got astigmatism, which is a disease of the brain. And the number one reason why TV is better than a book: you can quote TV shows all day long and people know what you're talking about!

This actually happened to me:

Guy: "To be or not to be, that is the question."

Me: Wtf does that mean?

Guy: It's from Hamlet.

Me: You're fired!

Everybody else in the room: Hahahaha.

See?

Love,

Channel Surfer