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This Issue 03/29/2007

Also in this issue

• Hollywood hotshots
• Street Beats
• Ego of the Week
• Ego of the Week
• Rock Academy

Best Frozen Yogurt: Marathon Grill

Ah, behold the not-so-uniquely Penn creature that is . the JAP. Official JAP footwear? Uggs, of course. JAP electronic? Blackberry. JAP winter gear? Burberry scarf. JAP snack? Fro-yo. Obv. And where can one get a delicious cup of low-fat frozen goodness? Look no further than our beloved Marathon Grill. Not just a beacon of underage belligerence, Marathon also has some of the yummiest fro-yo around. While offering the standard chocolate and vanilla flavors on a daily basis, Marathon also rotates between cookies and cream, cheesecake and peanut butter (its most popular flavor, and for good reason - that shit is delicious). As Passover approaches, some JAPs may be asking: what makes this frozen yogurt different from all other frozen yogurts? Unlike those second-rate fro-yo places like TCBY (um, ew.), Marathon distributes their toppings equally among bottom, middle and top of the cup. Genius.

Best Food Truck: Magic Carpet

Our best food truck category is humbly presented to the truck best known as magic. But unlike the "magic carpet" that might cause your mother to wash your mouth out with soap, this food truck produces a meatball made of magically mysterious ingredients. That's right: food-allergic types beware, because not even your anaphylactic shock will coerce the owners to tell you what they put inside their delicious balls.

Magic, we tip our hats to you. Your meatless food products spare both the lives of such baby animals as lambs and innocent calves, but also create unquantifiable amounts of both joy and elation for those daring enough put your smoking balls in their mouths. So, yes, we will go on a magic carpet ride with you. Aladdin and Steppenwolf would be proud.

Most Important People that No One Cares About: UA

The biggest part the UA plays in Penn's students' lives is bombarding their peripheral vision with pictures of people we don't know and slogans we thought we'd stop seeing in high school. Not only are these signs not clever, they do not tell us anything about the UA. What is the UA? What does it do? Anyone? According to their website, "The Undergraduate Assembly is the overbranching student government group at the University of Pennsylvania." Aha! That's where the nominees get the idea to hang their signs in trees! What avant-garde politics! Seems the only people that care about the UA are the ones trying to get on the UA. These resume-mongers are even willing to interrupt your pleasant Commons experience by asking you to sign their petitions. Have these petitions done anything? Oh, they did get us that great music service, Ruckus; that's really gotten Penn students' iPods racing.Best Boms: Best Bathrooms: Huntsman Hall