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This Issue 11/15/2007

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Southland Tales

Directed by:Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Justin Timberlake, Seann William Scott

Rated: R

From the writer/director of Donnie Darko comes Southland Tales, which tells the story of a 2005 nuclear attack on Texas. The "plot," so to speak, follows the story of biblical Rapture (when Jesus descends from heaven),as narrated by Justin Timberlake, and it sets the scene for two and a half hours of the most mind-numbing nonsense I've ever viewed.

I never thought I'd say this, but Timberlake provided the film's sole shining performance. I imagine the film's casting call to have read something like the following: Are you a recognizable, out-of-work actor/actress who needs to acquire credibility? The cast - which includes the likes of Sarah Michelle Gellar, Mandy Moore and Jon Lovitz - is a uniquely comprehensive gathering of B-listers and has-beens.

Though saving this movie would have required far more than good acting, the cast does give a valiant effort. The movie does have some moments of spectacular cinematography, and Kelly's shrewd satire of American culture elicits occasional laughter. However, the script is an audaciously chaotic collage. It aims to set up pretentiously written one-liners rather than establish even the most basic necessities of a plot, resulting in a cinematic disappointment.