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This Issue 07/05/2001

Also in this issue

• Dido headlines but Travis takes the stage
• MOVIES: Scary Movie 2

I'd like to announce that America has the ability to fuck up every movie ever
imported because Hollywood execs suck. One staple of excellent global
filmmaking has been quality martial arts films imported Asia.

While Americans may not have been able to understand the dialogue, albeit
without subtitles, the physical prowess and staggering ability 'wowed' audiences
around the globe.

Now, America has taken Jet Li, an incredibly talented actor, and stuck him in a
crap movie. Kiss of the Dragon represents the "wham, bam, thank you mam"
attitude of Hollywood. Instead of prolonged, edge-of-your-seat, hand-to-hand,
mind-boggling, (insert clich‚ here) action, Kiss waters down the action and
under develops an already thin plot.

Jet Li plays a Chinese government agent on a super secret plan in Paris.
Eventually his Paris contact turns the tables on him and Li finds himself in a real
dilemma: save Bridget Fonda or get the hell out of this crappy movie. Ofcourse,
Li decides to save the world and attempt to win some sort of Nobel Peace prize
for international peace.

Unfortunately for Jet Li, his supporting cast is too underdeveloped due to the
story he wrote. One note to self for most successful actors: stick to what you are
good at. Jet, my friend, you are good at kicking stuff. No need to diversify your
portfolio with crappy dialogue and depth. Leave that to those already in
Hollywood.