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This Issue 04/01/2004

Also in this issue

• Bam! It's over! They win it!
• Best of Penn '04
• Conspiracy theories
• Priority: Beer

4 Play Thursdays

The Five Spot

5 S. Bank St.

Thursdays, 10 p.m., $5

(215) 574-0070

www.thefivespot.com

I've actually been to this mess, and it's a sad wannabe affair. The Five Spot is most famous for its Tuesday night jawn Black Lily which has seen the debut of neo-soul artists such as Jill Scott, Floetry and India.Arie, and it is run by the legendary Roots crew. But going on any other night you're not gonna find sexy, soulful, boho ladies who take their cues from Erykah Badu or introspective, classy, activist brothas. Rather, you're gonna be pushing away grimy-ass 30-year-old men as you nurse a Corona by the deserted dance floor. If you're gonna be eye-fucked by dirty old men, at least go to Bleu Martini, where the drinks are better.

Fusion Jam XI

Culture Club

1201 Race Street

Fri, 10 p.m.-2 a.m., Free

Lambda Phi Epsilon is putting on one of its big bashes at the classic 80s Culture Club. However, there won't be as much Madonna as there will be hip hop, techno and dance music to satisfy even the most hardcore proponents of DDR. But when the sexiest Asian-interest fraternity puts it down, they put it down hard. Go dressed to impress, but you'll probably stumble out sweaty and dizzy.

Fusion Fridays With Q102FM

Chrome

939 N. Delaware Ave.

Fridays, 11 p.m., $10 before 11, $15 after

(215) 931-0101

q102philly.com

Fusion, whether gustatory or musical, is a high-risk proposition that often produces un-stellar results. That's why Q102FM is finally tuning into what has long been known among those quixotic ham radio operators: cold fusion is hot stuff. The Chrome crowds can now concoct their own god batteries by following their favorite radio jockeys in preparing an electrolytic cell with palladium, platinum and LiOD components. Though cold fusion has been discredited by the scientific community, the possibilities of creating a mini-Sol at room temperature are too great to ignore. And don't worry about knowing if you've succeeded. Your moment in the sun will be bright ... very bright.

Fire in the Disco

SoMa

33 S. Third St.

Wednesdays, 8 p.m.-2 a.m., Free

(215) 873-0222

www.somaclub.com

An eclectic group of people enjoy a wide variety of musical styles. Hipsters, bohemians and flower children; punk, indie and New Wave. For affirmative action supporters and others bent on diversity, this weekly offering is a fail-safe bet. On Wednesdays, the dance floor is safe from overcrowding, and, outside, you won't be forced to suffer through any long lines. In addition, the club offers $2 well drinks and lager drafts all night. Not too shabby. If only desegregation went this smoothly. Fuck the system!

How I Learned to Drive

Walnut Street Theater - Studio 5

825 Walnut St.

Thu-Tue, until April 11 $15

(215) 574-3550

www.wstonline.org/index.shtml